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Tuesday, 26 September 2017

John Cena Lands New Movie Role

Building on his success as heavily muscled lunkhead who speaks two words in 'Daddy's Home', his role as heavily muscled drug dealer who speaks three words in 'Sisters' and heavily muscled idiot boyfriend who actually has a few lines in 'Trainwreck', WWE star John Cena is to take on his most challenging movie role yet.
In Daddys Home, he made this guy
look like Laurence freakin' Olivier
In a radical departure, the star of the original 'The Marine' (where he played a heavily muscled lunkhead with a giant gun, but few lines dialogue) is to star in a new adapation of EM Forsters 'A Passage To India'. It is a classic and complex tale of cultural mistrust and false accusations that doom a friendship in British colonial India between an Indian doctor, an Englishwoman engaged to marry a city magistrate, and an English educator.

Cena is to appear as Mrs Moore, an elderly English woman, a role that earned the venerable Dame Peggy Ashcroft an Oscar for Best Supporting Actress in1984.  "Sure it's gonna be difficult to live up to the performance that Dame Peggy gave, but with hustle, loyalty and respect and some prosthetic make up, I can do what I have done for fifteen years in the ring - make fans boo the shit out of me"

The movie is being jointly produced by WWE Films and Merchant Ivory Productions and planned for a December 2018 release, a move designed to garner maximum awards buzz.  Casting is almost complete with Jinder Mahal as Aziz, Shane McMahon as Fielding and Brie Bella in the pivotal role of Adela.

Said WWE Films Chairman Vince McMahon "It's an obvious move for us, we need to class this place up a bit and we are all in on exploiting the Indian market so we are hitting this hard.  Obviously we are gonna punch the script up a bit - that Forster guy was pretty fucking dull, so we have added a couple of car chases, the Taj mahal blows up and Cena has got some Mrs Doubtfire-esque slapstick scenes. There's no way it can fail!"

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