Ross on performance at Greatest Rumble "I wasn't drunk or stoned, I was bored shitless"

Oklahoma-Born announcer Jim Ross has hit back at fans who have claimed he sounded either drunk or stoned, or both at the Greatest Royal Rumble event in Dubai.

Pictured: Ross after taking a piss
for the first time in seven hours

"I can categorically state that I had imbibed neither alcohol or illegal substances at the event. Its the middle east for crying out loud, I would have been hung or shot or something"  said Ross in a press conference.

"I accept that my speech became somewhat slurred and my comments increasingly incoherent as the event went on, bit that was soley a result of my being bored shitless by an event that seemed like it was never going to end"

He continued "it was seven hours long!  I mean, WTF as the kids say.  I had to sit there through the whole damn thing. At least the audience got to get up and go to the concession stand, or have a nap and return for entrant number 40.  Frankly I think I deserve a medal for not turning to booze to get through it"

"By hour four, I was so bored I that started jamming a pen into my leg just to stay awake, and now I have sepsis from the ink getting into my bloodstream. Damn"

HHH Speaks About Future of UK Division "Is that still a thing?"

HHH spoke recently about his plans for the future of the company's UK division.

"I don't even like fish and chips"

"Fuck, I forgot all about it, does it even still exist? Christ, we only did it to cut the legs out of the World of Sport Deal.  And it worked, sweet!"  He continued "Why would we even need a division over there, they are our second biggest market and the best part is that they eat whatever crap we serve, hell in 1995 we could't sell out a phone booth here in 1995 but over there we were filling Wembley Arena. Seriously, Wembley!"

"So basically, what I'm saying is fuck the UK division, now where's my passport?  I've got to go and pretend that we give a shit about India"