WK 12 Viewing Party Host Suprised No Girls Attended

The host of the self -described "WrestleParty of the Decade" Jason Smithson, has expressed his shock that that none of the dozens of women he invited to his Wrestle Kingdom viewing get together,  actually showed up.

The show, which was hotly anticipated by hardcore wrestling fans the world over, held almost no appeal whatsoever to the average adult female, a fact that was apparently lost on the overly optimistic Smithson.  "I don't get it, everyone knew WK12 was going to be awesome. It had like six title matches and always has the most workrate of any major show in the world" said Jason.

Pictured: Not a Pussy Magnet

His attempts to convince the ladies in his office failed to produce the expected results.  "I told Shelley in marketing all about the New Japan rumble, and how its a great way to kick off the five hour show, then I sat next to the girls from accounts to list my favorite WK main events in order and explain how this years could be even better.  They all said they would try and make it before dashing off for meetings that weren't in their calender - I checked"

Smithson was disappointed, not so much for himself but for his male friends who were hoping to finally get to talk to a girl during the show. "yeah, it sucks for them, a lot of the guys have never been confident enough to talk to a real live woman, but this was going to be on their territory so they would have been more confident.  I know Mikey wore his limited edition 'Vince Torelli' t shirt so he could use it as an conversational ice breaker to talk about how it was Ken Shamrocks original wrestling persona"

Smithson continued "perhaps there was something else happening that night that girls like, I don't know, has a new Sex and the City or twilight movie come out? Maybe thats where they were.  I don't pay attention to that kind of stuff when I've got dozens of hours of PWG and old tapes of IWCCW to get through so I can act superior on the message boards"

Miss Elizabeth LJN Figure Joins #MeToo Movement

Smiling through the pain

In the wake of the shocking allegations about Harvey Weinstein, the Afflecks, Dustin Hoffman, Kevin Spacey, and, well,lets face it, most of the men in Hollywood, making unwanted sexual advances towards women, the problem has spread to the world of professional wrestling with shocking new claims from a prominent figure, to be precise, figures.

The rubber LJN figure of former WWF superstar Miss Elizabeth has filed a collective class action suit to complain about the abuse they have suffered over the years.

First introduced in 1987, the figure proved to be an immediate hit with adolescent boys, but the scantily-clad toy claims she was being demeaned from day 1.

"It's bad enough that I wasn't released until 1987, two years after I joined the company, but look at how they brought out before me - Jimmy Hart? Corporal Kirschner? SD f'n Jones???  C'mon!"

But that was only the beginning of her troubles. "They packaged me with a removable skirt - what do you think was the first thing all those horny little boys did as soon as they tore open the package in a testosterone frenzy?  And the positions they put me in with the other figures was nothing short of obscene"

To misquote Chris Rock "I'm not sayin'
they shoulda done it, but I understand"

The plasticised Liz continued "I was put in countless explicit and degrading positions with other figures - missionary with Hulk Hogan, Eiffel Tower with Ted Arcidi and Roddy Piper, Congress of the Cow with George Steel, and a Lubbock Line Dance Special with King Kong Bundy, Kamala and B Brian Blair, it was horrible" She continued "but the worst was when they mixed me up with those crappy WCW Galoob figures. I'm not against inter-racial stuff, but I draw the line at those freaky AWA Remco weirdos!"

Upon hearing the news, prices of second hand LJN figures on eBay crashed, and anyone advertising Liz figures as "Slightly Soiled" can expect a visit from the local police force in due course.