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Thursday 20 October 2016

Koko B Ware Documentary Found In Prince's Vault

By far the most significant news of recent weeks and possibly the greatest sentence ever written was 


"In the vault of the late pop star Prince, there was a documentary he had made about Koko B Ware, narrated by Morris Day of 'Morris Day and the Time' fame" 
This Guy! Obviously


That is a sentence that's almost too big to fit into your head. It positively fizzes with potential and generates more questions than than there are people who will buy the next TNA PPV.
So twelve, twelve questions


The obvious ones that jump out are:


  • Did Koko even know about it?

  • Why Koko? Was there not enough footage of Tito Santana to use? Are any other high level jobbers featured?  Scott Casey? Gene Ligon, Heath Slater??
  • Why have we not heard of this before?  Such a project is too magnificent to be kept a secret
  • Why was Prince not narrating it himself? 
Perhaps it was made during the period when he was protesting the multi-million dollar contract he had from Sony by painting a symbol on his cheek and not talking to anyone - stroppy little bugger. It's more likely that the subject matter wasn’t sex, and if Prince isn’t talking about making sweet audio love to your ears, he ain’t talking.
The more pedestrian rationale is that Morris Day once recorded a song called 'The Bird' and so got pegged for the Koko doc.

Will Frankie get points on the gross?


On that basis, we can safely expect to see 80’s one hit wonder Survivor doing a Tiger mask retrospective, Ringo Starr narrating an animated feature on Davey Boy Smith and Keith Richards doing the voice over for a Terry Taylor biopic.
A few cryptic references for the teenagers there.
Much like wrestling feuds, every great documentary needs an angle. Where was Prince going with this film? We can only speculate, and speculate we will....
Perhaps it was a thoughtful look at the sacred relationship between a man and his parrot. Yes, that may sound like something Tracey Jordan would have appeared in on 30 Rock, but this was a documentary where all subject matter is fair game, and the producer was the mad as a box of cheese, Prince.
It could have been the first in a series examining of the impact of short men who enter a world traditionally reserved for those who feel the rainfall long before others.. I would imagine others in the series focussing on Muggsy Bogues in basketball, Lionel Messi in soccer, Tom Cruise in what we shall euphemistacally call acting, and Napoleon in the field of world conquering, before culminating in the ending on the most impressive of all - Prince himself (you see, thats why he wan’t doing the voice-over - that would have just looked egotistical!). Not only did he dominate the music scene like no other (cough, Michael Jackson cough)but he was also the most underrated basketball player ever, He narrowly missed being drafted out of Central High School in Minneapolis because of restrictive draft rules regarding high school players, his insistence on wearing eye liner glitter and stack heels whilst playing, and the fact that he was 5’ 2.
And politics, its always about politics
Personally, I like to think it was an expose, a la Loose Change or those Sandy Hook Youtube docs that wave at the shores of sanity from a safe distance, that looked into why Koko was cheated out of a world title win in 1985 against Flair. Going over each frame, shot by shot in Zapruder fashion, it revealed that Koko actually won the title. Given that it is mid 80’s Memphis, the footage is actually even more grainy that the super 8 shot Zapruder film,

What has gone unreported in this story is the the interesting stuff found in the vaults of other recently deceased stars.

Gary Shandlings safe contained tapes of a four hour documentary about Tommy Rich, narrated by Jeffrey Tambor, of course

Hey Now!

Glenn Frey of the Eagles was writing a follow up to the Eagles 1973 concept album Desperado and had contacted Dutch Mantell about doing backing vocals.
Should not have eaten Dutch's 5 alarm chilli
Natalie Cole, daughter of Nat King had had completed the first draft of an article for Rolling Stone analyzing her fathers influence on the late 1980’s WWF run of ‘King’ Harley Race

Shortly before he passed away, Beatles producer George Martin was apparently mixing master tapes of Piledriver 3 the album.
From this, to arguing with Vince about the chorus of  'Stand Back'
Alan ‘Professor Snape’ Rickman was in the middle of recording a voiceover for a three part BBC documentary about Otto Wanz’s CWA promotion. Rickman watched a whole lot of CWA while he was in Germany researching accents for his role as Hans Gruber in Die Hard, which explains why PN News gave the eulogy at his funeral.

Yo...Potter........Yo

Androgynous Weirdo David Bowie had begun principal photography for a sequel to his 1976 movie The Man Who Fell to Earth, titled ‘The Fat Bastard Who fell Through the Mat’  starring the Big Show. Well, it gave him something to do, eh?
In a curious twist, it is rumored that the late (One Night in) Chyna had completed, shortly before her untimely demise, a thesis on the importance of Jackson Browne in mid 1970's AOR music for her BA in Comparative Culture.

Rejected Sex Tape Title: "Running on empty"







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