UFC to Add Two Controversial New Womens Divisions

Capitalising on he massive success of Ronda Rousey, and the fact that men really like to look at women, the UFC has announced two new Divisions - named 'Starlet' and 'Heifer'.  They will be in addition to the existing Straw, Bantam and Featherwieght classes, but in a break from tradition, the new Divisions will only be tangentially based on bodyweight.

Matchmaker Sean Selby announced the new divisions at a press conference in las vegas

"The UFC cannot be tied to antiquated concepts such as weight to form its divisions. This is the age

Pictured: Heifer Division Fighter

of social media and Amazon Prime and we understand the need to give the consumer what they want, so it is with great pleasure and excitement we bring you the Heifer Division.  This will be where the larger, stronger and more, erm, masculine looking fighters will compete. We expect this division to create some amazing and hard hitting bouts that will be right at home in the Fox pre-show specials"

He continued  "Our second new division is something we are very excited about. The Starlet Division will pit the cream of the crop - the likes of Paige Van Zant, Claudia Halhela and Megan Fox, if we can get her - against each other in matches that will be aesthetically, if not technically, pleasing to the eye.  We have already pencilled in Starlet division matches as the headliner for the next seven PPV's."

Can she fight? The UFC doesn't care

On an unrelated topic, "Starlets" is a term used to describe new female porn actresses.

A press release from UFC Chairman Dana White "We are committed to promoting female fighters on a par with men and feel that the addition of these two new divisions will greatly enhance the public profile of all our chicks, I mean bitches, sorry, I mean ladies".

Critics of the move have suggested that this blatant sexualisation of the female fighters is a result of the recent purchase of the company by mega entertainment conglomerate IMG, who spent over $4 billion on the promotion, just prior to the two biggest draws, Ronda Rousey and Conor MacGregor, announcing their retirements.

Said industry observer Bryan Alvarez "IMG really feel screwed on the deal and are looking for anything that will keep the buyrates up. Honestly, if the Starlets don't bring in the viewers, don't be surprised to see them fill the Octagon with mud and have the ladies wrestle in that"