Broken Necks, Concussions No Longer a Thing in Wrestling

With noted head case Kurt Angle announcing his return to the ring, and the expected unretirement of Daniel Bryan when his WWE contract expires, it appears as though pro wrestling has found cures to injuries that were perviously thought to be career ending.

The 48 year old Angle, whose head is attached to his body by a mixture of crazy glue and chewing gum, feels confident that he can still go in the ring. To ensure he doesn't suffer an injury that could literally cripple him, he has booked himself into a safe match at TLC. He will be teaming up with 'career killer' Seth Rollins and dean Ambrose in handicap match against five opponents including Sheames (who ended Daniel bryans career) and Braun Strowman -the strategically shaved woolly mammoth masqueradind as a wrestler.

I mean, how much damage can
German suplexes do to the neck anyway?

Bryan, who risks death every time he sneezes, has been inspired to return to action by Angles insane decision. He is justifying the risk by claiming he views wrestling as an art form and he just wishes to exercise his creative muscles, and he has just had a kid who just won't stop screaming so he pines for the sweet release of death.

Said WWE spokesman Carl Johnson;
"Wrestling has always been on the cutting edge, we zig when everybody else jags, I mean, wrestlers were wearing hyper color shirts and Zubaz pants in 1993 when nobody else was, so it comes as no surprise that just as the world learns about the effects of CTE, wrestling just completely ignores it and goes from strength to strength"

Upon hearing the news, both Aaron Rodgers and Peyton Manning have expressed interest in forming a tag team in the hopes of their injuries going away through the power of wrestling.