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Wednesday 21 June 2017

WWE answers Mayweather vs MacGregor with Johnny B Badd vs Hornswoggle

With the long anticipated megafight between shouty UFC leprechaun Conor MacGregor and the personification of dull, Floyd Mayweather finally signed, the WWE changed it's original plans for the Summerslam to steal some of the thunder back for WWE.

In a shocking turn of events, Johnny B Badd will face Hornswoggle in the main event of the summer spectacular. Said WWE Chairman Vince McMahon "If people  are so desperate to see a fucking midget Irishman get pummelled by an ageing former boxer, we will give it to them, but god only knows what the appeal is!"
Hard to see why Sable left him

Badd, real name Marc Mero, is a former Golden Gloves champion from sometime in the days of VHS, has not worked for the WWE in several years and is reportedly over the moon at the opportunity.  Upon hearing the news he was heard to emit a loud high pitched "Woooooh!" and shot confetti out of his Badd Blaster (editors note: that is NOT a euphemism).

His opponent, Hornswoggle, is a long time WWE employee as in-ring talent and comedy performer which makes it all the more shocking that he was never made world champion.   

Would stand about the same
chance as MacGregor


The company is hoping that by staging its 'Network Special' the week before the superfight, it can fool some gullible customers into accidentally ordering the wrong show.

Said WWE COO HHH "with all the fuss about a boxer vs wrestler, I figure we can give the fans the exact same thing, and you don;t need to shell out a hundred bucks, just plunk down ten dollars for a subscription and you can watch it for free!" he continued "plus, Conor will last about 30 seconds in the ring with Floyd, but we can guarantee you get your moneys worth - thats right, Badd vs Hornswoggle will be a 60 minute iron man match.  Dave Meltzer is going to have to recalibrate his whole star rating system"

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