Global Fears Over Rock as He Fails to Appear at 'Mania

Fears are growing for the safety and welfare of Dwayne 'Flex Kavana' Johnson, who did not make his regular "surprise" appearance at Wrestlemania this past Sunday.

Johnson, the former wrestler and star of such cinematic hits as The Tooth Fairy and San Andreas was expected to appear at the WWE flagship event in a 'surprise appearance', as he has done for as long as anyone can remember.

"I'm just so worried" said Evelyn Matchford, vice president of the Boise, Idaho chapter of The Rock's fanc lcub, and self proclaimed 'Rpckette for Life'.  "His unexpected appearances at Mania has become

He will probably be ok

so reliable, his missing one is like the sun not rising in the east every morning, or raw not being as boring as shit every week, it just isn't normal"

Authorities have appealed for help in locating the beloved star. If anyone has any information, the should call 1-800-STICK-IT-UP-YOUR-CANDY-A$$

Citrus Bowl Janitor to Undertaker "Your mother doesn't work here, pick up your own damn clothes"

The highly emotional twelve minute long sequence where WWE legend The Undertaker symbolically left his hat and coat in the ring to signify his retirement from wrestling has been hailed by many as one of the most poignant and memorable moments in Wrestlemania history.
The company has been lauded for handling the exit of one of its greatest performers in a sensitive and respectful manner, but not everybody was so impressed - namely the Citrus Bowl custodial staff.

To you, the end of an era, to Jose,
just more trash to deal with

Said janitorial staff member Jose Fuentes, 48, from Azalea Park, Orlando "I get that it was a big deal and he is a big star and all that, but is he so high and mighty that he can't pick up his own clothes?  He swaggers off to the cheers of thousands, but who has to clean up his mess? Me, thats who!"  He continued "What kind of example is that to set to kids?

Others were similarly disappointed. Said fan Maria Escobar who had travelled from El Paso, Texas spefcifically to see 'Taker was not happy.  "I just feel so let down by his example of not picking up after himself.  He has thrown Mick Foley off a cage, twice, married a drugged up Stephanie against her will in a satanic ritual and led an army of evildoers, and had that Summerslam 94 match,  but this is by far the worst thing he has ever done!"

We though we also found a giant piece of shit, but
it turned out to be the Wyatt vs Orton match