Miss Elizabeth LJN Figure Joins #MeToo Movement

Smiling through the pain

In the wake of the shocking allegations about Harvey Weinstein, the Afflecks, Dustin Hoffman, Kevin Spacey, and, well,lets face it, most of the men in Hollywood, making unwanted sexual advances towards women, the problem has spread to the world of professional wrestling with shocking new claims from a prominent figure, to be precise, figures.

The rubber LJN figure of former WWF superstar Miss Elizabeth has filed a collective class action suit to complain about the abuse they have suffered over the years.

First introduced in 1987, the figure proved to be an immediate hit with adolescent boys, but the scantily-clad toy claims she was being demeaned from day 1.

"It's bad enough that I wasn't released until 1987, two years after I joined the company, but look at how they brought out before me - Jimmy Hart? Corporal Kirschner? SD f'n Jones???  C'mon!"

But that was only the beginning of her troubles. "They packaged me with a removable skirt - what do you think was the first thing all those horny little boys did as soon as they tore open the package in a testosterone frenzy?  And the positions they put me in with the other figures was nothing short of obscene"

To misquote Chris Rock "I'm not sayin'
they shoulda done it, but I understand"

The plasticised Liz continued "I was put in countless explicit and degrading positions with other figures - missionary with Hulk Hogan, Eiffel Tower with Ted Arcidi and Roddy Piper, Congress of the Cow with George Steel, and a Lubbock Line Dance Special with King Kong Bundy, Kamala and B Brian Blair, it was horrible" She continued "but the worst was when they mixed me up with those crappy WCW Galoob figures. I'm not against inter-racial stuff, but I draw the line at those freaky AWA Remco weirdos!"

Upon hearing the news, prices of second hand LJN figures on eBay crashed, and anyone advertising Liz figures as "Slightly Soiled" can expect a visit from the local police force in due course.