Lana Clarifies 'Leave Request' Rumors

Wahts wrong with this picture?
9 does not equal 2.5,
if you know what we mean

The WWE's wannabe Bridget Neilsen and owner of the least convincing Russian accent in wrestling since Matilda the bulldog belched after eating a bowl of borsch, Lana, has hit out at internet reports that she and husband Rusev have requested a release from the WWE.

"It's all nonsense, why would vee ever vant t leaf such a fine organisation as the WWE?  The WWE is
berry berry good and TNA is berry berry bad" She said in her puzzling voice before reverting to her native Floridian, white trash accent. "Ah nevah asked for a release, ah was asking for a deevorce from that fat hairy husband o'mahn. We wuz only meant to be married for like five minutes so he could get his green card but he's been stuck to me like a fly on shit ever since"

She continued "Ah mean, how come those Bella girls get to marry good lookin' champions and ah get stuck with a fireplug thats been rolling around on a barbers shop floor? It just ain't fair"

Should the couple split, the WWE faces a tough decision over which of the pair to keep. On one hand, Rusev ticks all the company boxes - he is a useful foreign heel they can use in xenophobic angles and he is pumped so full of steroids, his sweat has a street value of $200 an ounce, but in the other, Lana is a tall sexy blonde.  Vegas has the latter as heavy favorite to be retained.